


Between Forever and Never

by buttstrife



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Coming of Age, First Love, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn, Summer Vacation, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-30 23:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15107099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttstrife/pseuds/buttstrife
Summary: Jeno’s summer holidays usually consist of vacationing at his family’s Jeju beach house, swimming in the blue seas, and lounging around in the humid heat. Unfortunately for him, his peace is disturbed when his family takes in a troubled teen attempting to make amends.One summer changes everything.(Or, where Jeno has his gay awakening over the summer thanks to Jaemin.)





	Between Forever and Never

**Author's Note:**

> ahhh finally writing the summer love coming of age au of my dreams uwu
> 
>  
> 
> [spotify playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/buttstrife/playlist/0g2MVQH1wzweBGwc1SuFiF)

With his first step out of the taxi, he breathes in the fresh air of freedom. He can hear the sea, almost taste its saltiness on his tongue. He can even look to the darkening sky and see twinkling stars instead of harsh city lights.

Now that he is finished with the endless studying associated with high school and the CSAT, he can finally relax and roll around in the sand and do whatever it is that young adults like him are meant to. Not a teenager anymore – no, all the memories of late nights cramming and forgetting to attend social events are the tell-tale signs he no longer has to carry that status anymore. He doesn’t need to worry about studying anytime soon until the universities release their acceptance letters and he goes straight off to college.

Regardless, Jeno knows he has more than most. A Jeju beach house, an hour drive from popular tourist sites like Hyeopjae Beach were obvious signs of wealth that made it awkward more often than not with others who thought him nothing more than a rich spoilt kid. It isn’t his first time here either, but he cannot imagine anyone growing tired of being at a place like this or taking it for granted. Maybe Donghyuk, who lives nearby can attest to being bored of his surroundings, but Jeno has been looking forward to spending his summer here. Their property is unique in that it comes with its own private beach area, away from the usual beaches where boatload of tourists that come to Jeju Island at this time of the year visit.

When Jeno is called over by his parents, he leaves his luggage to the maid of the house who takes it with a bow of her head.

“Oh, Jeno-yah,” his mother says with a crescent moon-like eye-smile that everyone says he inherited, “there’s something we should tell you.”

“Hmm… what is it?” Jeno doubts whatever they tell him could ruin his day. His family aren’t much for surprises. Straight-laced, just like him. No fun, as Donghyuk always says. As all his friends who stuck around say.

“You know the Na family?” His mother takes him by the hand, leading him past the threshold of the villa. His father follows behind with their luggage. They take their shoes off, stepping into slippers before entering any further. “Well, they asked a favour of us this year, so their son is coming over for the holidays. He’ll be rooming with you. You know, Jaemin, right?”

How could Jeno not know Jaemin? Jeno might not know him personally, but all the gossip that gets passed around the dinner table has Jeno fearing for his life. Jaemin is trouble personified.

“Sorry, what did you say? Why is he staying with us?” Jeno ask, wondering what Jaemin could have done to have even his family not want him around. And being stuck with Jaemin during what is meant to be his free time – could it get any worse?

His mother shoots him a disapproving look at his frank questioning. “Sweetie, his family has been going through some difficult times and his parents thought it would be a good idea for Jaemin to spend some time away from all that. They want him to be with a positive influence – someone like you.”

Jeno’s face is frozen in defeat. “Right, okay.” Only he would be punished for being a hard-working, studious, and just goddamn normal person. “When is he getting here?”

“His flight arrives tomorrow. Don’t worry, your father will pick him up.” His mother pats Jeno’s head, combing her fingers through his hair. “Now go wash up and enjoy your well-deserved holiday. Your father and I may have some business to attend to for the next few weeks, but we will be around if you need us. Oh, and feel free to visit Donghyuk anytime.”

“Thanks, ma.” Jeno hides his sigh, having accepted that he will only have one night of freedom before he has to spend the remainder of his holiday chaperoning Na Jaemin, trouble-maker extraordinaire. He gives his mother a hug before disappearing up the wooden stairs to find his room.

His bedroom here is larger than his one back in Seoul, with a veranda, high ceilings, and mounted fans that barely drive the humidity away. The queen-sized bed he has grown accustomed to has been swapped out for two king-sized beds situated on opposite sides of the room. Each bed already has clean white linen sheets and two large pillows. There is no television screen or gaming devices, but Jeno doesn’t mind. He isn’t Jisung who needs computer games to be satisfied with staying indoors. If anything, Jeno plans on spending most of his time outdoors.

The adjourning bathroom is tiled mermaid blue, with a Jacuzzi-style bath-tub and kept spick and span thanks to the arduous cleaning of the maids who are hired to maintain this place. Although there are many bedrooms in this large villa, some are occupied by the workers who tend to the estate. In the seasons when his family aren’t here, the residence serves well as an informal hotel and brings in a fair share of income for his family from Jeju’s flourishing tourism industry. Now that they are here, there are no other guests – except for Jaemin, Jeno supposes.

Heading over to the mirrored closet, Jeno figures he should fill it up with his items first before Jaemin arrives. Transferring the clothes from his luggage to the closet, he makes a mental note to stick to his half. The left will be his items, and the right can be Jaemin’s. The left bed will be his, and the right can be Jaemin’s. It is an easy enough distinction, and hopefully Jaemin can keep to his boundaries if he wants to make this a tolerable experience for the both of them.

Flopping onto his bed once he has unpacked everything, Jeno removes his phone from his pocket. There are a few messages from his friends wishing him a safe trip and one from Donghyuk asking when he is arriving. Exhausted by the heat, Jeno finds himself too tired to bother doing anything except lie there and stare at the ceiling fan turn. If only air-conditioning had been installed in this room like it had been for the living room and kitchen.

Before he knows it, he is asleep.

 

*

 

Jeno wakes to a commotion. Rubbing his eyes, Jeno checks the time and then shoots straight out of bed, hurrying to the bathroom to shower. He brushes his teeth too and then changes into a brand new set of clothes: a white Armani short-sleeved shirt with a blue embroidered emblem and black Givenchy velvet-trim sports shorts. Rather ordinary in terms of colour and style, but safe – for both the weather and also from any opinions Jaemin might have.

Checking his appearance one more time in the mirror and combing his black hair to the side, Jeno forces a smile to his lips before readying himself to go downstairs. Maybe Jaemin won’t be as bad as the rumours make him to be. Maybe Jaemin really is someone like him, only caught on the wrong side of everything. Maybe they truly will be good friends. Jeno tries to push away the image he has constructed as he follows the clamour of voices, reaching the kitchen.

Eyes trailing over the assortment of fruits available for breakfast (cherries; round red grapes; punnets of strawberries, stems already picked out; enough watermelon slices to make his friend Mark jealous; and so on), Jeno eventually finds the odd one out in the scene before him.

Jaemin is a tad taller than he expected. A little less scary-looking and a lot more attractive than Jeno thought he would be. In an annoyingly charming manner, Jaemin has a friendly grin on his face, mid-conversation with Jeno’s mother as though they are close friends and he isn’t an interloper. Jaemin has light chestnut brown hair, obviously dyed but not in a garish colour that would make him stand out. If anything, the only part that fits his anticipated profile are his lobe and helix piercings, which are already offset by his dangly silver earrings. Likewise, his simple white hoodie and ripped jeans make him all the more handsome.

“Oh, is this Jeno?” Jaemin says, his voice friendly and a pitch higher than Jeno’s. Jaemin steps forward, moving towards him to sling an arm around Jeno’s shoulders. “Hey, I’m Jaemin.”

Jeno shrugs off the arm, noticing the way Jaemin doesn’t seem nonplussed by the rejection. His cute smile is ever-present, almost deceitful in a way. “I’m Jeno, but you already knew that,” Jeno says, stepping away from Jaemin so that they aren’t in such close proximity to each other. “I’m the one who’s going to be baby-sitting you.”

“Jeno—“ His mother sends him a warning glare before apologising to Jaemin. “Forgive Jeno. He’s not quite used to having someone around. I’m sure you two will grow close like brothers soon enough.”

Jaemin hums in agreement. “Yes, like brothers,” Jaemin says, echoing the statement with a hint of amusement. His brown eyes are focused on Jeno as he says, “I’m sure Jeno and I will become _very_ close.”

Refusing to respond to Jaemin’s obvious attempt at getting a reaction from him, Jeno remains stony-faced as he grabs a slice of watermelon before saying he is heading to Donghyuk’s place.

“Not yet, sweetie,” his mother interjects before Jeno can escape from the kitchen. “Could you help Jaemin unpack and then show him around? You could even take him to Donghyuk’s! You’re all the same age after all.”

“Oh, I’d love that,” Jaemin says, kissing Jeno’s mother on the cheek before walking past Jeno to grab his bag.

Jeno trails after him, taking Jaemin’s suitcase. Jaemin doesn’t have much in terms of belongings. For the three months, Jaemin only has one medium-sized suitcase and a rucksack bag. Jeno guesses if he does need anything, they could always buy it for him. Or, perhaps Jeno might be expected to share his own belongings since they are around the same size. Jeno wrinkles his nose at that thought.

Walking up the stairs, Jeno leads Jaemin to their room. The maids have already arranged the sheets like brand new. “My bed is the left one,” Jeno says, putting the suitcase down on the right side.

Jaemin arches an eyebrow as he throws his bag down. Jaemin doesn’t seem like the type to have anything fragile, Jeno guesses.

“What if I want your bed?” Jaemin asks, swerving past Jeno to recline on Jeno’s bed. “It’s right next to the window and the closet. Further from the bathroom. Hm, I think I want this one. Your one.”

Jeno blinks a few times, unsure of how to react. It shouldn’t be a big deal, since the beds are identical. The reasons why Jaemin wants his bed Jeno never considered. It is only now, when Jaemin wants to take what is his that has Jeno feeling protective of the bed that he fell asleep on last night. Mulling it over for a few seconds and noticing how Jaemin is waiting for a reaction, Jeno forces his trademark eye-smile and says, “That’s okay! I’ll just sleep on the other bed then.”

Jaemin reacts with an even wider smile. “Great! You’re so kind, Jeno. No wonder my parents can never stop yapping on about you,” Jaemin says, standing up to slide open the closet. “I wonder what it’s like to be as perfect as you.”

“I wouldn’t know – I’m not perfect,” Jeno replies, honest and earnest, watching as Jaemin peruses the clothes in the closet.

Jaemin doesn’t bother opening up his suitcase. Instead he says, “Can we go now? Show me around Jeju.”

“Are you going to change? You’re not bothered by this weather?” Jeno asks.

“Nah, I’m fine. Unless you want me to take my clothes off?” Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows.

Ignoring Jaemin’s suggestive words, Jeno grabs his phone from where it had been charging on the desk between their beds. He sends Donghyuk a message saying he won’t be available today, and then he pockets it in his pants. “Okay, let’s go.”

 

*

 

The first place they walk to is the public beach, which is only five minutes from their place. It is not yet noon, so there aren’t many people present. Jeno is sure he would never tire of seeing the blue sea. As much as he wants to strip off his shirt and head straight for the water, he stays rooted to the gravel street, not so much as stepping onto the path towards the sand.

“This is a pretty popular beach but not as popular as Hyeopjae Beach. If you want to go there, you’d have to ask one of my parents to drive you,” Jeno says, before he stops, realising Jaemin stopped paying attention the moment they started walking. Dumbfounded, Jeno watches on in both concern and disgust as Jaemin pulls out a white stylised lighter and a packet of cigarettes. “Aren’t you the same age as me?”

“Yeah?” Jaemin sticks a cigarette in his mouth, lighting it with a quick flick. “So what?”

“We can’t buy or smoke cigarettes yet.” Jeno waves his hand in front of his face to dissipate the strong odour of the cigarette smoke. “Plus, smoking is bad for you.”

“Yeah, and?” Jaemin rolls his eyes. “You can run home and tell your mummy and daddy about how I’m breaking the law if you want to. No one cares.”

Jeno bristles at the comment. So this is the real Jaemin, the one hiding underneath the friendly, charming façade. Callous, brittle, probably emotionally damaged or something from having a dysfunctional family. Probably never left the teenage rebellion phase behind where it should stay. Previous presumptions returning, Jeno turns around and continues walking towards the park, not caring if Jaemin follows. Jaemin shouldn’t even be smoking in a public area!

“Oh hey!” Jaemin shouts, running after him and grabbing Jeno by the wrist. The bracelet charms on Jaemin’s wrist jingle from the motion. His lit cigarette is still in his other hand, between his slim fingers. “You can’t leave just yet. I want to head to the beach.”

Jeno shakes Jaemin’s hold off, considering the proposition for a moment. Jaemin has an eager smile that is hard to say no to. “No smoking, and then we can go.”

“Fine, okay,” Jaemin says, taking one last puff before throwing the cigarette on the ground, mushing it with the heel of his sneakers. “Whatever. Anyone ever tell you you’re no fun?”

“Yeah, I get it a lot,” Jeno replies, shrugging off the comment as they head towards the sand.

“Ouch, that must suck. It’s a good thing you’re attractive though,” Jaemin says, trailing behind him. “I’m sure most people would welcome being bored to death just to stare at your face.”

Jeno doesn’t turn around, certain Jaemin is smirking and waiting for a flustered reaction. Shoes sinking in the soft sand, Jeno considers kicking sand into Jaemin’s shoes. But that would be mean, even if Jeno wants to annoy Jaemin just as much as he is annoying him right now. “What are you doing?” Jeno asks, quiet as a murmur.

“Flirting with you, dumbass,” Jaemin says, stepping next to him. His shoes are in one hand, having taken them off before stepping into the sand.

Huh, now Jeno actually feels like a dumbass. Glancing at Jaemin’s ever-present smile, Jeno says, “You must be a terrible flirt then.”

Jaemin bumps his shoulder against Jeno’s none too gently, rolling his eyes again. “That’s what you think,” he sing-songs, walking backwards so he can look Jeno dead in the eyes, “until you’re dreaming about me in your sleep.”

“You wish!” Jeno says too late. Jaemin has already turned around, running towards the water and leaving Jeno to follow behind like a puppy following its owner. Jaemin really is a handful to watch over. But Jeno finds himself unable to remain grumpy about it when he becomes captivated by the way Jaemin rolls his jeans up to his knees to avoid getting them wet from the gentle tides.

Not wanting to sit and dirty his pants, Jeno crouches down at the shoreline, index finger writing in his name in the sand before it gets washed away.

“Come into the water,” Jaemin insists, calling from where he is standing.

“Not gonna happen,” Jeno replies.

Jaemin splashes some water at him, making Jeno shield his face as water droplets land on his hands, some on his hair. Typical Jaemin – if he cannot get what he wants, he will just have to engineer some way to make it happen, Jeno surmises.

More than anything, Jeno wants to go into the water, but not while Jaemin is here, and definitely not while Jaemin is watching him like _that_. Like he expects some part of Jeno to give up his inhibitions and join him in the sea. Like he wants to be here, with Jeno. Like he wants Jeno here, in this moment.

“I’m No Fun Jeno,” Jeno says monotonously in response, standing up and shoving away his hopeful feelings. “If you want to stay here, that’s fine. I’ll just go home. You know how to get back, right?”

Jaemin looks at him blankly for a few seconds before he nods. “Yeah.”

Jeno fakes a smile, turning around and trudging back. Even if he has essentially trapped himself at home for the rest of the day, he figures he can fill up on some much needed food and there is always the private beach if he wants to go for a swim – so long as Jaemin minds his own business and stays away. The last thing he needs is to feel like an intruder in his own home.

 

*

 

Jaemin doesn’t stay away.

In the mornings when Jeno is in the bathroom, door closed but not locked, brushing his teeth, Jaemin enters with a knock, moving to stand next to him and ignoring the glare sent his way. Jaemin yawns, grabbing his toothbrush and squeezing some of Jeno’s toothpaste out to brush his teeth. They wash up in silence, Jeno clamping his mouth shut to refrain from expressing his irritation about Jaemin being incapable of simply waiting.

Likewise, whenever Jeno changes clothes, stripping off his shirt and exchanging it for a clean one, he can feel a stare so strong that it bruises his skin. “Can you not watch me?” Jeno asks, to which Jaemin shrugs from where he is sitting on his bed.

“You’re the one changing in front of me,” Jaemin retorts, looking back at his phone. “But go off.”

Jeno bites his tongue, knowing that if he had disappeared into the bathroom, Jaemin could have easily ignored the closed door as he is prone to do. And just because he is changing in front of him doesn’t mean Jaemin has to watch. Jeno keeps his back to Jaemin as he puts on a new shirt, leaving the used one by the end of his bed for the maids to collect for laundry.

The final straw is when Jeno exits his house to head to Donghyuk’s, only to have Jaemin following behind him. “Really? Don’t you have anything else to do?” Jeno says as he steps into his Nike shoes. “You know you’re allowed to do things without me here?”

“I’m always up for making more friends,” Jaemin answers, shoes already on and waiting for him by the bike rack. He doesn’t have his own bike, but it doesn’t matter since Jeno’s family has a few spares. “It gets lonely without you around.”

“You can explore Jeju by yourself. Make some friends who aren’t my friends.” Jeno turns around and starts walking.

“Possessive, aren’t we?” Jaemin comments blithely. “Your mum said it would be okay if I met this Donghyuk anyway. Get over it.”

The rest of the journey passes by without any more conversation. Donghyuk’s house is a short ten minute bike ride south-east. Jeno lets the cool wind soothe his fuming self. Jaemin must know how much he gets on other people’s nerves – or maybe it is only Jeno who he annoys now, since everyone else seems to be charmed by him despite his troubled reputation. Even the maids blush whenever Jaemin thanks them, which has Jeno picking up Jaemin’s rude habit of rolling his eyes.

Jeno really does need to get over it. Jeno wants to get over it, but Jaemin keeps taking and taking what is Jeno’s.

When he sees Donghyuk’s house, he leaves his bike by the side of Donghyuk’s garage. He presses the door bell, and Donghyuk opens the door a few moments after.

“Hey!” Donghyuk greets, pulling Jeno into a hug. “Long time no see. And you brought Jaemin along!”

“I didn’t want him to come,” Jeno says, stepping into the house. Turning around he sees Jaemin reach out for a hug and Donghyuk, too skin-ship friendly, gives him one even though it is their first time meeting.

“He didn’t want me to come,” Jaemin says, a bright smile on his face as though all three of them have been life-long best friends. “But I’ve always wanted to meet this much acclaimed Donghyuk. You’re better looking than Jeno makes you out to be.”

Jeno’s jaw drops. “What? You’re making it sound like I said he’s ugly or something!”

Jaemin shrugs, as if to suggest Jeno had.

“I’m going to kill you,” Jeno says, more serious than not, and Jaemin makes a kissy-face at him.

Donghyuk bursts into laughter. “God, you two, invite me to the wedding thanks,” Donghyuk manages to say after he stops laughing. “Let’s go play games? Make a watermelon sprite concoction? Or maybe we can have a bike race?”

Jeno is competitive by nature so he agrees to the bike race.

Jaemin doesn’t back down, seeming to be equally competitive. “Okay, how about whoever wins gets to spend the rest of the day with Donghyuk and the other has to leave?”

“Uh…” Donghyuk looks between the two of them, somewhat concerned.

“Fine,” Jeno says, refusing to back down. Not like Jaemin will win anyway. Jeno is renowned at his school for being an impressive athlete in all sporting fields. Plus Jaemin doesn’t know this area as well as Donghyuk or himself. It is an easy win.

“Can’t believe I’m the winner’s prize,” Donghyuk says, looking like he wants to change the rules.

Leaning in to whisper to Donghyuk so that Jaemin doesn’t overhear, Jeno says, “Just go with it. I’m sick of Jaemin following me everywhere. If I win this, I don’t have to babysit him for today, and we get to hang out together, just the two of us.”

Donghyuk shakes his head, giving Jeno a weird look, but says, “Fine. Let’s go.” He brings up the maps application on his phone and shows the path they are taking. There is a dedicated bike trail through a park nearby that ends around where they start. Depending on how fast they go, it should only take ten minutes at most.

Jeno pays Jaemin no attention while the three of them cycle to the park, focusing on whatever Donghyuk is saying about his newest interest or whatever. Never mind – trying to figure out what Jaemin has planned preoccupies most of Jeno’s thinking space. The path to winning isn’t one that can be done through cheating since the bike trail is clearly marked and there are no divergent paths. If Jaemin manages to go ahead of Jeno, they will all be able to see when he overtakes them, if he does at all, and if he tries to cheat, which Jeno is certain he will try to.

Donghyuk goes through the directions once more, saying they will meet up exactly where they are right now.

“You should go ahead so we know we’re going the right way, and also so we can meet you at the end,” Jaemin suggests. “After all, you’re the winner’s prize, and whoever arrives first can just ride off with you.” Jaemin laughs, looking surprisingly carefree for someone who is definitely going to lose. “No need to wait for the loser. The loser can just ride on home.”

Jeno makes no comment about Jaemin’s unfounded confidence. Maybe he is always like this, covering up his insecurities by being arrogant and overconfident.

“Are there any other rules apart from the path we have to take?” Jaemin asks, when Donghyuk is getting ready to ride off first.

“Hmm… nah? Jeno and I usually just go hard and fast,” Donghyuk says before he laughs at the innuendo. Jeno blinks rapidly, too used to Donghyuk to be flustered by it. Jaemin joins in on the laughter, clearly attempting to get on Donghyuk’s good side. Ugh, what a suck-up. “Okay, see you two cuties at the finish line!”

“Just one cutie!” Jaemin replies while Donghyuk starts biking away. Then he turns to look at Jeno. “So, should we start when we can no longer see him?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Jeno shifts to a more comfortable position on his bike. “Hope you know you’re gonna lose.”

“We’ll see about that,” Jaemin replies with a twist of his lips, smirking in a way that still has him retaining his boyish charm.

Ignoring the comment and readying for the race, Jeno says, “Okay, on three. One… two… three!”

Hands gripped tight on the bars, pedalling fast, Jeno swims through the track easy enough. He keeps his focus on the course ahead, relieved that Jaemin hasn’t popped into his vision yet. Catching a glimpse of Donghyuk ahead, Jeno guesses he had no need to worry so much.

Passing by the largest oak tree in the park, Jeno knows they are at least halfway through. His thighs and calves are burning from the exertion of keeping his speed up, but he figures it will be worth it just to have Jaemin leave them alone for the day. Too busy thinking about Jaemin, Jeno is ripped from his thoughts when he feels something bump into him, knocking him off his balance.

Not even having the time to look behind him, Jeno feels his bike toppling over from the force of Jaemin’s bike hitting his. Because of course it is Jaemin. It is always Jaemin, and this time, when Jeno hits the dirt, the collision painful and vindictive, he curses. “What the fuck?” Jeno bites out, watching as Jaemin doesn’t even stop to apologise – not an accident, Jeno realises – and Jaemin is already speeding into the wind.

“Fucking dickhead,” Jeno mutters, the swearing helping with the aches, bruises, and cuts he can feel opening up on his skin. Adrenaline fading, Jeno moves the fallen bicycle off his left leg, accepting defeat when he realises there is no way he can pedal fast enough to make up the distance. Even though the majority of his injuries are minor, the bruise to his ego is enough to have him surly. Standing up, legs feeling wobbly and his thoughts not altogether collected, Jeno grimaces and falls back on his butt, giving up and deciding that when he sees Jaemin again, he is going to…

Well, he has no idea what he will do to Jaemin, if he can even face him, but at least now he knows the rumours about him aren’t rumours at all. Jaemin really is an unruly, self-centred asshole.

After a few deep breaths, Jeno picks himself and the bicycle up, opening up his phone to figure out the quickest path back home. He is wary and weary, tired of trying to foil whatever machination Jaemin has. Although he has to accept that Donghyuk is going to spend the remainder of the day with Jaemin, there is no way in hell he can sit idly by while Jaemin hoodwinks everyone. Jeno knows himself to be the responsible, mature one, so if he has to spend the rest of his summer trying to pull Jaemin back into line and have him atone for his actions, then so be it.

 

*

 

Call him a snitch but Jeno tells his mother first. Straight up says, “Jaemin is an asshole,” to which the reply is, “Oh, honey, he’s just misunderstood. I really do think you two could be close friends.”

Jeno snorts, very unlike him, but he does and he looks his mother dead in the eyes while eating his dinner. Jaemin isn’t home yet, still hanging out with Donghyuk. No texts from either of them, not that he had expected anything. Jeno is not the least bit jealous – just concerned. He hopes Jaemin isn’t giving Donghyuk second-hand cancer. “He pushed me off my bike today. I don’t think he’s misunderstood at all.”

“I’m sure it was an accident,” his mother says. “The Jaemin we know is as kind and perfect as you.”

“I did hear that he’s been very out of control ever since that incident,” his father adds. “But I think that’s just his parents exaggerating the usual adolescent rebellion phase.”

“Since what incident?” Jeno asks, even though he has no interest in Jaemin’s tragic backstory unless it can help him get rid of his presence here faster.

His parents don’t answer his question, conversing with each other about the Jaemin they know and making excuses for his actions, so when Jeno finishes his dinner, he goes straight to his bedroom. There is no point arguing with them, when they refuse to see the side of Jaemin that he does.

Standing in the breeze on the outside patio that adjourns his room, Jeno checks his phone again. No messages. He dials the housekeeper at their Seoul residence, so that he can FaceTime his three cats. Most of the call is spent with Jeno cooing at them while they laze about or play with each other, but it cheers him up enough that when the call finishes, he goes to take a much needed shower.

His body aches, and there are splotchy purple bruises forming on his legs. He had scraped the palms of his hands too, but nothing deep enough to warrant a Band-Aid. He guesses it would take a hospitalisation for his parents to realise Jaemin’s true nature, although he sincerely hopes he never has to go through that, despite there being rumours of Jaemin being involved in such.

After his shower, Jeno decides to ditch his pyjama shirt and his sweaty used clothes on his bed, the heat still ever present in the evening even with the wind flowing in from the open veranda and windows. In his loose shorts, Jeno ambles over to Jaemin’s bed and ruminates for half a second before deciding on his own form of petty revenge. Since the sheets are changed only every week, Jeno can still smell a faint lingering floral scent on Jaemin’s pillow – probably from the same shampoo Jeno uses. Shooing away thoughts of the scent of Jaemin’s hair and how soft it looks, Jeno claims back his original bed, lying down and making a mess of the sheets. Jaemin’s bed is as comfortable as his own. He considers going back to his bed before Jaemin returns, but then decides that Jaemin can deal with having to sleep somewhere else.

He is only asleep for an hour at most when he hears the door creak open. The pillow and sheets are so incredibly soft that acknowledging the other presence in the room is difficult. Jeno turns to his side, clutching at the sheets and pulling them to his chest.

“Missed me?”

If Jeno’s eyes were open, he would be rolling them. Instead, he doesn’t even bother looking at Jaemin. “You wish,” he says, the sound coming out as a mumble.  

“You’re sleeping in my bed?” Jaemin sounds confused. Serves him right.

“It’s my bed now. The other bed is still my bed. You can sleep on the floor.”

Jaemin doesn’t respond. Jeno hears the shuffling of feet across the wooden floorboards and the bathroom door opening. The showerhead turns on, and there is peace and quiet for a few minutes. Jeno listens to the wind rustling outside, wondering if he should get up to close the veranda doors.

He doesn’t need to worry about it though. When the showerhead turns off, the bathroom door opens a few minutes later, and then Jaemin heads over to shut the entrance to the veranda patio. He then turns off the bedroom lights.

Jeno’s eyes fly open when he feels the mattress dip next to him. He turns to look, and Jaemin is facing him, eyes wide in surprise. Then Jaemin makes himself comfortable, looking far too pleased with a satisfied smile on his face as he reclines next to Jeno, resting next to him. He smells like cherry blossoms – their soap.

Narrowing his eyes, Jeno asks, “What are you doing? Go sleep on the floor.”

“This is my bed though,” Jaemin says. “Since you’re here, I don’t mind sharing.”

“I mind.” Jeno swivels around, forcefully pushing at Jaemin’s clothed body with his hands.

Jaemin falls on the floor with a loud thud. “Ow,” he says, but he gets up and crawls back into bed. “Hey again, _dotori_. I’m not leaving.”

Jeno hates losing. Also why the fuck did Jaemin just call him an acorn? Jeno may have started this, but there is no way he is going to concede defeat to Jaemin like this. “You fucking crashed my bike and then left with one of my friends to go and do whatever the shit without me,” Jeno says, realising too little too late in the middle of his diatribe how close Jaemin’s face is. Jaemin blinks, eyelashes fluttering, and Jeno is swept up in the movements, surprised at how innocent Jaemin looks in the dim light of only the moon. “I have bruises and cuts, and I had to bike home after. The least you could do is let me sleep in peace.”

“Hmm…” Jaemin’s soft murmur rumbles like faraway thunder. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Bullshit. You did it on purpose, you asshole.” Jeno glares at him, but Jaemin doesn’t seem bothered, meeting his cold gaze nonplussed.

“Maybe I did do it on purpose, but I swear I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted to win,” Jaemin says.

“So you could spend time with _my_ friend.”

“Jealous?” Jaemin’s mouth quirks into a smile. He has pretty lips.

“No, you idiot.” Jeno shakes away his thoughts, wondering how badly his need for sleep is impairing his filter. “I don’t want you here.”

Jaemin lifts a finger and presses it to Jeno’s lips. “I don’t want to be here either, honey, but I guess you’re stuck with me, hey?”

Swatting Jaemin’s hand away, Jeno frowns. “Just leave me alone,” he says, turning around so he doesn’t have to face Jaemin. He isn’t going to abandon ship and run for his own bed now though – it would appear way too cowardly as if he allowed Jaemin to win.

Jeno flinches, breath hitching when he feels a cold hand on his waist, the weight and feeling making his cheeks burn red.

“I’m warming my hand up,” Jaemin says before Jeno can ask. “I’m a cuddler. Hope you don’t mind.”

Slapping Jaemin’s hand away, Jeno grits his teeth and says, “Don’t touch me. I’m serious. Just don’t.”

Instead of touching him again, Jaemin leans over to whisper into Jeno’s ear. Jeno can feel the warmth of Jaemin’s breath, almost feel his lips on the shell of his ear. Jeno shivers, and both of them know it isn’t from the cold.

“Goodnight,” Jaemin whispers, pulling the blankets towards him before flopping back onto the pillow. Jeno can hear the smirk in his voice – how infuriating.

Moving as far away from Jaemin as possible without falling off the bed, Jeno tries to close his eyes and sleep, but being in such close proximity to Jaemin makes it impossible. He doesn’t sleep well, spending the night glaring at the wall, counting the seconds, and being hyperaware of every movement Jaemin makes.

 

*

 

When Jeno wakes up, the space next to him is empty. Jaemin is already gone. Jeno sits up, realising he had turned over in his sleep, even though he has no idea when he had actually fallen asleep. At least he hadn’t woken up in Jaemin’s arms – that would have been embarrassing.

After getting ready and changing into casual clothes, Jeno heads to the kitchen for breakfast. Jaemin is already seated with his parents, devouring seafood pancakes and fruits. He has a cup of homemade orange juice.

His mother greets him and asks, “Did you sleep well?”

Jeno nods, sitting opposite Jaemin in the only other seat available. Jaemin meets his gaze without a flicker of emotion, wordless, as he picks up a strawberry with his thin fingers and takes a bite, tongue flicking out to swipe up the juices.

Turning red, Jeno looks away, feeling as though he had watched something he shouldn’t have. Busying himself in eating his breakfast, he keeps his eyes on the intricate wood design of the dining table, fascinated by even the smallest scratches on the veneer. He feels a foot kick his under the table, but knowing it is Jaemin trying to mess with him, Jeno pulls away and ignores him, continuing to eat in peace.

Breakfast finishes uneventfully with the usual conversation between his parents, and occasionally Jaemin chiming in. His parents are used to Jeno’s unobtrusive presence, so they don’t comment on his silence. Jaemin would probably be a more suitable family member than himself, Jeno thinks, feeling his shoulders fall at the thought.

“I’ll be at Donghyuk’s for most of today,” Jaemin says, already standing up and waving goodbye.

Jeno’s mother turns to him to ask, “Jeno, you aren’t going?”

Jeno glances at Jaemin, the blank expression more frightening than one of guile because he cannot puzzle him out. “Maybe later,” Jeno says, dismissing the issue and turning back to his food. He hears the door open and close a few seconds later, and Jeno doesn’t know if being left alone has him feeling relief or something else – an emotion that weighs heavily on him, leaving an acrid taste in his mouth.

After breakfast, he texts Donghyuk: _hey, heard you were hanging out with Jaemin today_.

Donghyuk immediately replies back, and to his surprise, it reads: _uhhh??? no??? I’m not???_

Putting on his sneakers, Jeno steps outside. Jaemin’s bike is gone. Wherever Jaemin is going or what he plans on doing, Jeno has no idea. Donghyuk doesn’t seem to know either based on the rest of his messages.

Jeno shakes off his concern, adamant on spending his Jaemin-free time wisely. Hopping on his bike, he rides to Donghyuk’s house, and they decide to make bingsoo with whatever fruits they manage to find in his fridge. Since Donghyuk’s whole house is air-conditioned, they decide against playing sports until later on in the day when hopefully the sun is less strong.

“Surprised Jaemin isn’t here,” Donghyuk comments as he scoops out a watermelon. “He was really good at making food yesterday.”

“He made food for you yesterday?” Jeno asks, startled and confused. He had no idea Jaemin could cook, or do anything helpful for that matter.

“Yeah, like for lunch, he made this spicy seafood jjambong. If I weren’t already into you-know-who, I’d be jumping on him, you know?” Donghyuk wiggles his eyebrows at Jeno.

Shaking his head, Jeno does his best to cube the kiwi minus its hairy skin. “So you two are friends now or what?” His question comes out a bit stronger, a little sharper than he intends.

Donghyuk notices, always having been too precocious for his own good. “Jealous? Of me or Jaemin?” When Jeno doesn’t respond immediately, Donghyuk continues, “He gave me his number. Told me that we could hang out whenever, but only without you around, which obviously isn’t going to happen because I’m a loyal-ass friend. Still though, what’s up between you two? I really thought you were going to win that bike race and then somehow he wins and you’re gone? Do you two hate each other? Why do you two hate each other? You two only met a few days ago.”

Jeno washes and dries his hands after finishing the kiwis. Sitting on the chair adjacent to the kitchen counter-top, he rests his chin on his hand, considering the question. “I don’t know, honestly? He’s not like anyone I’ve met before. He acts like a rebellious teenager and yesterday, he cheated in the race and pushed me off my bike like a schoolyard bully, so it’s hard not to resent him. My parents know he’s troublesome, but they have this belief that Jaemin is a good person, and Jaemin does act like that around them – but it’s like they refuse to see the truth to the point where it’s alienating me? He’s not someone who wants to change, and I have to deal with him on a daily basis, and it’s so frustrating because he does whatever the fuck he wants without a thought for anyone else – he goes out of his way to piss me off. He’s inconsiderate, rude, and arrogant. How can I not hate him?”

Donghyuk nods his head, eyes wide. “Wow, I think that’s the most passionately I’ve ever heard you talk about anyone. Like, ever.”

“Shut up.” Jeno sighs, pouting.

“No, it’s fine, seriously. But have you ever tried to… give him the benefit of the doubt?” Donghyuk asks, putting aside the hollowed out watermelon. Turning on the shaved ice machine, Donghyuk starts preparing the bingsoo, and then grabs a can of condensed milk from the fridge, opening that with a can opener.

“What, you think he can be a decent person? He’s pulling the wool over your eyes – it’s what he’s good at.” Jeno steals a piece of watermelon, and at Donghyuk’s irked expression, he moves onto slicing the punnet of strawberries.

“He was nice to me, and I mean, I guess I could tell there was an ulterior motive, but just because there’s an ulterior motive doesn’t make him an immediate jackass? Maybe he sees you the same way you see him – the person who’s spoiling his summer,” Donghyuk reasons.

“My mum said that she thinks we’d be good friends, but I doubt it with the way things are going.” Jeno thinks back to last night, in the bed together, and then feels his cheeks warm. Quickly focusing on the fruit in front of him, he says, “I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he’s really out there living up to his reputation. I hate him.”

“No, you hate the idea of him. You don’t actually know him yet.”

“And you do?” Jeno snorts, rolling his eyes.

“No, but you know how we both thought Mark was a completely white-washed fuckboy?”

“That’s different.”

“No, it really isn’t,” Donghyuk sing-songs, knowing he is winning the argument and looking pleased. Or maybe he is pleased because their summer dessert is coming together so quickly and nicely. “First impressions aren’t everything. Maybe your parents see more of him than you do. On the other hand, if he is actually an asshole, the fact that he’s here, with you and your family instead of in Seoul or wherever during the holidays – shouldn’t that count for something? Maybe he wants to be a changed man. Or maybe he’s waiting for the right opportunity or right person – ahem, that’s you – to catalyse his change.”

“Uh, nah. He said he didn’t want to be here.” Jeno smiles at that, glad to have proved Donghyuk wrong. “So, yeah, he’s a total asshole and he doesn’t want to change. Simple as that, and nothing I do or say is going to change him. Hell, even I’m not sure I want to change him. He can stay like that forever for all I care.”

“Huh, never would’ve thought someone as angelic looking as him could hide something so nefarious inside,” Donghyuk replies in a melodramatic voice.

Rolling his eyes, Jeno sticks his spoon into the bingsoo and has a mouthful.

“Oi! You heathen, I haven’t added the condensed milk yet!”

 

*

 

With the prerogative to figure Jaemin out wholly to prove Donghyuk wrong, Jeno approaches Jaemin when he is finished with his shower. Jaemin is on the balcony, cigarette in hand, puffs of smoke escaping his lips. The moonlight casting a faint glow over his features is an image Jeno finds hard to look away from, or to disrupt.

Jaemin is looking into the far off distance, features neutral, almost pensive, as he leans on the railing. He is the first to speak, voice quiet and low – the sound gravity might make as it pulls a wave to shore. “What do you want?” He doesn’t turn to face Jeno.

Not replying immediately, Jeno takes a few tentative steps forward onto the balcony, cool zephyrs rustling his hair and a much needed refrain from the heat. Mirroring Jaemin’s posture, Jeno rests his elbows on the railing and says, “Don’t drag Donghyuk into your lies.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. He glances at Jeno, looking him up and down, before returning his gaze to the seascape. “What’s it to you?”

“He’s my friend,” Jeno answers, matter-of-fact. “If he’s yours too, then you wouldn’t put him in difficult situations.”

“I thought you didn’t want him and me to be friends.” Jaemin takes a languid breath. “Anyway, for such a do-gooder, you’re pretty awful at keeping your nose in your own business.”

“That’s why it’s so big,” Jeno jokes, keeping his face straight. “My nose, I mean.”

Jaemin doesn’t laugh at the self-deprecating humour, seeming mostly baffled by Jeno’s reply. Jeno isn’t too surprised, used to such responses to his jokes. No fun Jeno, so it goes.

While Jeno waits for Jaemin to say something, almost hopeful for his voice to fill the silence between them, he looks between the sea and Jaemin, finding more of his gaze focused on Jaemin. Jeno hopes Jaemin cannot hear the turmoil within his thoughts, wondering if it is normal to find himself looking at Jaemin so often. Wondering if it is insane to be so drawn to Jaemin even if his common sense tells him otherwise. Wondering if there is anything that Jaemin finds sincere interest in, whether that be a hobby or a person.

Jaemin takes one last drag of his cigarette, littering it at his feet and stomping the flickering flame out into ashes. Then he turns to Jeno, eyes steely and hard, a conviction in them that is hard to look away from. “Why are you really here?” Jaemin asks, lips quirking into a smile as he steps forward, tucking a strand of Jeno’s hair behind his ear.

Freezing at the contact, Jeno finds himself turning red at how smooth Jaemin acts. Taking a step back, Jeno breaks the stare, choosing to glare at the disposed cigarette butt instead of at Jaemin’s distracting smile.

“We both know it’s not about my ability to be a shit friend,” Jaemin says, tapping his index finger against the railing. Impatient.

“You.” The single word comes out of Jeno’s mouth like a secret being forced out into the open, unwillingly and desperately. Clearing his throat, feeling awkward, Jeno says, “I want to know more about you.”

“What is there to know about me?” Jaemin gives him a lazy look up and down. Jeno doesn’t know whether that is meant to be suggestive – figuring Jaemin out has never been his forte, especially not now. “I’m exactly what you think I am.”

“That’s not true. You’re more than that.” Jeno isn’t sure where the kindness is coming from. Jaemin is still the asshole who injured him to win a race. Jaemin is still the rebellious teen who is ruining his summer. “My parents were talking about you. What’s the truth behind the rumours?”

Jaemin raises an eyebrow. “Oh, so is this an interrogation?” He sighs in mock defeat. “The rumours are true. I _am_ a devil child. I’ve caused more trouble in the last year than you have in your whole life, and possibly your past lives too. I don’t think I need to spell it out for you since you should already know.”

“But why?” Jeno asks, eyebrows furrowed as though he was attempting a complicated, nonsensical puzzle. “What’s the point of behaving like that?”

“What do you mean what’s the point?” Jaemin is humouring him now.

“Why would you intentionally… piss other people off? Do things that you know they won’t like? What is there to gain?”

“I’m surprised you don’t know, considering you’ve been listening to all those stories about me. I guess I’ll tell you, so you can pity me too. I used to have it all,” Jaemin says, eyes downcast. He looks away towards the sea as he reminisces. “I was a S.M. Entertainment trainee. Scouted by a lady when I was eleven, and since I had what you might call a passion for dancing, I went all in. It was the kind of dream people live for, you know? And being at such a prestigious company, of course, I’d have to be perfect if I wanted to get to the top and debut. Years and years of endless practice, of being obedient and listening to others, of becoming the best, and you know what? It didn’t matter. In the end, they let me go when I got injured and they realised I had a chronic back problem that’d interfere with my career. They said it’d be better for my health if I didn’t pursue being an idol anymore, but what they meant was it’d be a long-term liability for them that debuting me would be too much of a hassle. So I became disposable, I quit because they’d never debut me, and after that, it was like what was the point of trying so hard, of doing well, of being good, if it got me nowhere but here. And now I’m here, trying to reform my terrible ways, but I don’t think who I am is so terrible. Maybe a bit more self-serving, a little less charitable, but I’m still the same. In the end, so long as I stay true to myself, it doesn’t matter what others think of me or what others do to me. If I can be the me I want to be in a world like this, then there’s nothing or no one who can stop me.”

Surprised by the honesty, Jeno almost finds himself wanting to pull Jaemin in for a hug. “You’ve gone through a lot, that’s true,” Jeno replies, as Jaemin turns to look at him again. Jaemin’s face is blank, unreadable. “But what happens to you – what has happened to you shouldn’t be an excuse to act like a jerk. I’m not saying you are, but… being considerate doesn’t cost anyone anything. What you did to me – pushing me off my bike and throwing me into harm’s way isn’t something that’s okay to do just because you’ve experienced what you have.”

“I only did it because you were trying to be cut me out,” Jaemin argues without much bite.

“Fine.” Jeno tries not to shake his head. “Still doesn’t make it okay. What happened to you sucks – I get that. It really does, but why are you letting it still influence you now?”

“I’m telling you it doesn’t. I’ve let it go, but no one’s going to believe it no matter how I act. Whether I’m moping in silence or working hard on something else, it doesn’t matter to them, because other people, even my own family, will see me the way they want to see me. You see me the way you want to see me,” Jaemin says, “and whether I’m a good or bad person in your eyes, it doesn’t really matter, because it’s not the me who I see.”

“I think I get it,” Jeno replies, even though he doesn’t think he could ever be like that. Being brutally honest to himself, to others, seems a tad too vulnerable. How Jaemin can bare his heart on his sleeve, open and ready, despite having his dream destroyed is a testament to his strength of will. A fragility that he uses to his own advantage, sharpened into a weapon for attack and defence.

“And you? Are you more than who you are? You behave like there’s the weight of the world on your shoulders. Frankly, it’s a bit hard to watch: you have a beautiful smile, but it’s buried by your belief that you have to act or be a certain way.” Jaemin is watching him carefully as he speaks, gauging Jeno’s reaction. “You don’t become an adult when you reach a certain age, and you definitely don’t become more mature just because you’re considered an adult. The world doesn’t work like that, with perfect boundaries and borders. Really, there’s no distinction between you and me – we’re equals here, no matter what you might think. Being good and obedient won’t make people like you more, just like being disobedient and unruly doesn’t make people hate me more.”

“I’m sorry, but I, uh… Could you repeat what you said?” Jeno scratches the back of his neck, mortified. “My brain kind of malfunctioned after you said I had a beautiful smile.”

Jaemin laughs, and the sound is as sincere as the way he has been tonight. “Really. It’s pretty. I want to see it more.”

“Stop…” Jeno cannot help his smile this time, eyes curving like crescent moons. Even though he knows more about Jaemin now, he somehow feels _shy_ around him, as though the blush on his cheeks is meant to mean more than just embarrassment creeping underneath his skin. “Why do you have to be so charming? It’s too hard to hate you.”

Jaemin gives him a knowing smile – but what he knows, Jeno has yet to figure out.

Jeno sleeps in his own bed that night, feeling more relieved and at peace than he has for a long while.

 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chp is titled 'all or nothing'. further tags may be added/rating may go up.
> 
> comments/kudos/bookmarks are always highly appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> ([twitter](https://twitter.com/buttstrife) \- my ko-fi is linked on my twt; please consider supporting me through ko-fi if you can! comments/kudos/bookmarks are always highly appreciated! thank you♥)


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